The physical reality of identity loss
We are accustomed to grieving the loss of a loved one, but we are rarely taught how to grieve the loss of a former self. This happens when the children leave home, when a career ends, during perimenopause, or after a physical injury that changes what the body can do. The structure that held your identity in place is suddenly gone.
This kind of grief is not just an emotional state; it is a somatic reality. As Peter Levine notes in the context of somatic psychology, unresolved experiences leave a "frozen residue of energy" trapped in the nervous system. When you lose an identity, the body still holds the tension, the habits, and the neurological pathways of that old life. You feel the loss physically — as exhaustion, heaviness, or a pervasive sense of disorientation.
The container of the practice
You cannot rush the process of shedding an old skin. The mind often tries to fix the discomfort by quickly adopting a new identity or staying busy, but this only buries the grief deeper in the tissues.
In Iyengar yoga, the practice serves as a container for this difficult transition. We use specific asanas to hold the body while the nervous system processes the change. Forward extensions, like Paschimottanasana (Seated Forward Bend), are deeply introspective. They physically turn the awareness inward, calming the brain and allowing you to safely encounter the sadness or emptiness that arises when the old self falls away.
"Learning how to use the body to speak to the mind circumvents the prohibition against talking and can be more effective than relying solely on verbal, cognitive, or intellectual approaches." — Yoga Psychotherapy, Caplan, Portillo, Seely
The seasonal release
Just as trees drop their leaves in autumn to conserve energy for the winter, we must learn the art of the seasonal release. Grieving a former self is the necessary prerequisite for new growth. It is the practice of Saucha (purification) — releasing what is excess, what is finished, and what no longer serves the truth of who you are.
By bringing the body into alignment and the breath into rhythm, therapeutic yoga teaches you that even when the roles and capacities change, the core of your being remains steady. You grieve the version of yourself you can no longer be, so that you can finally meet the version of yourself that is here right now.