The illusion of going backward
It is a common and painful experience, particularly in midlife, during perimenopause, or after a period of intense stress. You wake up one day and realize the person you see in the mirror, or the person reacting to the world, does not feel like "you." The immediate reaction is to look backward. We try to recreate old routines, force ourselves into old clothes, or demand that our bodies perform the way they did ten years ago.
In yoga, we call this a violation of Ahimsa (non-violence). Forcing a body or a mind into a shape it has outgrown is an act of internal aggression. As Dr. Geeta Iyengar noted, the body works differently in different seasons of life; our job is not to fight it, but to "co-operate with it."
The friction of the old blueprint
The feeling of alienation — of not being yourself — happens because your mind is still operating from an outdated blueprint. Your body has changed, your hormonal landscape has shifted, your roles (like active parenting) may have ended, but your mind expects the old reality.
This friction is exhausting. It dysregulates the nervous system because the brain is constantly signaling that something is "wrong." You cannot fix this by changing the external circumstances; you have to update the internal blueprint.
"When one side of the body does it better than the other side, the side that does it best has to become the other's 'guru'." — B.K.S. Iyengar
Meeting who you are now
This is where somatic practice and Iyengar yoga become profound tools for identity transitions. When you step onto the mat, you are not asked to perform as the person you were yesterday. You are asked to observe the body exactly as it is today.
If the hips are tighter, we use props to meet them where they are. If the nervous system is fragile, we choose restorative poses like Supta Baddha Konasana rather than forcing a dynamic sequence. By making these micro-adjustments, you learn how to listen to the current version of yourself without judgment. You stop trying to get the old self back, and instead, you begin the much more rewarding work of discovering the authority, depth, and resilience of the person you are becoming.